


Code 273-Delta

by EvangelineSinclair



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute Eren Yeager, Domestic Violence, Humor, Levi Has No Filter, M/M, Misunderstandings, Police Officer Hanji, Police Officer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineSinclair/pseuds/EvangelineSinclair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <em>Levi expected to see broken furniture everywhere, maybe a sobbing victim curled on the floor, maybe even a huge, burly man wielding a weapon of some sort.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But he definitely wasn't expecting to see THIS.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>May god bless his poor, crude, homosexual heart.</em>
    <br/>
  </p>
</div><hr/><p>When Levi and Hanji respond to a police call for a violent domestic disturbance, the last thing they expect to find is a gorgeous, emerald-eyed brunette facing an invincible opponent.</p><p>Or, the story of an unlikely meeting that just may be the start of true love, involving a flip flop, cleaning supplies, and far too many (unsolicited) hugs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Code 273-Delta

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, no triggers unless you read too much into the dialogue. As it's indicated, it's HUMOR!
> 
> Inspired by a newspaper clipping (linked on bottom).

"Trost police station, what can we do for you?"

Levi glanced up from his desk behind a stack of paperwork. The morning at the police station had been dreadfully slow, and even though he enjoyed the occasional break from driving out to car accidents, it had been a particularly slow week and he was itching for some action.

He could hear the hysterical woman over the phone screaming incoherently as Petra yanked the phone away from her ear to prevent an eardrum rupture.

"Ma'am, please calm down and tell me what's going on. I'm afraid I can't help you if I can't understand you."

Levi had always been impressed by Petra's patience and high tolerance for stupid shit.

“ _I think a woman is getting beaten in the apartment next door!_ ” The voice yelled. “ _I just heard a man’s voice scream_ 'Die, die! I swear this time I'm going to kill you!' _And then a loud crash!_ ”

"Alright ma'am, I'm sending someone right away. What's your address?" Petra gestured at Levi, who got up from his desk to gear up.

" _37 Shigashina Road apt #32. The screaming is coming from apartment 33!_ "

"Is this the first time this has happened?" Petra opened a new case file and calmly started typing on the computer.

" _Now that I think of it, I occasionally hear the same male voice yelling; but it was always really muffled. Although yesterday I did hear him yell '_ fuck, you stupid bitch! I'm going to kill you for that!’”

Levi groaned. "And the woman didn't think to call earlier?"

Petra frowned at him and covered the receiver. "Shush. Now go. Do you think you need to take Hanji with you?"

"I doubt I’ll need it, but shitty glasses can always act as a diversion." Levi grabbed the keys to his police car.

As if saying their name summoned them, Hanji came barreling into the room. One of their arms was stuck in their police shirt, which was inside out, and the other was frantically trying to pull the shirt over their head.

"What the fuck, Hanji? Get your shit together; we need to go now!" Levi growled.

"Sorry!" They grinned, not looking the least bit apologetic. "What do we got?"

"Code 273D. Domestic violence at Shigashina Apartments." Levi led the way to the cruiser, not bothering to help Hanji, who was still tangled in their shirt. "It sounds pretty bad from the call. Apparently the man is yelling at the woman to die."

A dangerous glint flashed in Hanji's eyes, illuminated by their glasses. Hanji specialized in domestic abuse cases, being one of the few people who could objectively prosecute someone regardless of gender. They were also dangerously ruthless when it came to such cases. Levi would never admit it out loud, but even he was intimidated when Hanji became truly angry.

"Shotgun!" Hanji yelled as they approached the car.

"What the fuck? You're the only other person here!"

* * *

 

Luckily, the Shigashina apartments were not far from the police station, located in the southern part of Trost. It was an old, fairly run-down place that housed a certain socio-economic class, and this was far from the first domestic violence case Levi had worked here.

' _The woman says he's still screaming at her; it shouldn't be hard to find and charge him._ ' Petra's voice crackled over the radio.

"Piece of shit male," Hanji growled as they got out of the cruiser. "It takes a real coward to beat a woman."

Levi didn't say anything, although he agreed. He only hoped they had gotten there in time to save the poor victim. Too often had he responded to domestic violence calls, only to find the victim either grievously injured or even dead.

The two officers opened the front door (not even a working lock, surprise, surprise) and sprinted up the stairs to the third floor.

As soon as they exited the stairwell, a loud crash sounded from halfway down the hall.

"You piece of shit! I swear today I'll end you!"

The two exchanged glances and Levi pulled out his gun, but didn't take the safety off. More often than not, people would stop at the mere sight of a gun and if he were lucky today, he wouldn't have to actually shoot anyone (although the yelling was definitely testing his restraint at the moment).

They arrived at apartment number 33 and knocked on the door –it was protocol, so sue him.

A loud yell erupted from the room, followed by the sound of wood splintering.

Levi's eyes widened.

"Fuck, I'm breaking this down right fucking now," Hanji informed him, putting their gun away and stepping back.

Levi nodded and backed up to give them some room, gun still at the ready.

With a shocking display of force, Hanji slammed their foot into the door, which flew open with a loud _'crack_!'

Levi rushed into the room, gun up. "Don’t move! Trost police!"

He expected to see broken furniture everywhere, maybe a sobbing victim curled on the floor, maybe even a huge, burly man wielding a weapon of some sort.

What he didn't expect to see was a tall, nearly naked man standing on his couch with a flip flop in one hand and a can of bug spray in the other.

Confused, Levi looked around. There was no blood, no tears, not even a hint that there was a second person in the apartment.

He turned his attention to the brunette standing on the couch.

As he'd noted previously, the man was tall, but only now did he notice how toned he was. His lean, tanned legs rippled as he shifted to maintain his balance on the couch. The man was only wearing a pair of fitted, black boxers, which sat right beneath the clear, sharp juts of his hip bones.

Levi’s eyes traveled north, skated over the washboard abs (he noted the solid 8-pack), roamed across his solid, toned pecs and landed on a tanned, slender neck that was framed by smooth, graceful collarbones. As if that wasn't enough enticement, Levi then got a good look at the man's face. His strong, defined jawline was complimented by a soft looking mouth, which was currently hanging open in shock. His nose was sharp, not oversized for his face, but damn, his _eyes_.

Petra had once shown him pictures from her Caribbean honeymoon, with the white sandy beaches and aquamarine-emerald waters. Levi felt like he was looking at the pictures again, but the kid's eyes literally sparkled, giving the swimming colors a kind of life he didn't see in those pictures.

Levi suppressed a groan. Oh, God bless his poor, crude, homosexual heart.

"Did you break my door?"

The man's voice cut through Levi's thoughts. His voice was lower than Levi had expected, and although his words were sharp, the sound was smooth and soft, almost husky.

"What's going on here?" Hanji asked.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that question? You _did_ just break down my door for no reason."

"What the hell were you doing?" Levi asked.

The man's eyes suddenly widened. "Shit! I lost track of it because you guys broke into my apartment!" He glanced around the room frantically, eyes combing the floor. "Fuck, where is it?!"

"Where is what?" Hanji lowered their gun, frowning. "What were you doing before we came in? We heard you yelling aggressively at someone."

"The cockroach!" The man shifted on the couch, clutching the big spray like a lifeline. "Where if the fuck is the cockroach?!"

"You...you were screaming…at a cockroach…” Hanji repeated.

“Yes!” His eyes looked deranged now, nearly popping out of his head as he searched for the creature of his nightmares. “I haven’t been able to kill it, and it’s been dropping in for like a week now!”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“…you realize the bug spray you’re holding is for _wasps_ , not cockroaches, right?” Levi finally said.

“ _WHAT_?!” The man glanced at the can. “Fuck! Shit! No wonder it wasn’t dying! God damn it!”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, we were called for a brat who’s scared of _cockroaches_?” Not that he could blame this kid; cockroaches were pretty high on his list of things to nuke on sight. The only reason one had to deal with cockroaches was due to filth, and god _forbid_ he ever let a place he lived in get into that state.

Then again, he needed to remind himself where he was. The apartment itself wasn’t dirty–broken furniture aside–but in this neighborhood…

“Fuck you, they’re fucking terrifying! You should know, being so close to the ground and all.” The man propped his hands on his hips, frowning at Levi. “And I’m not a brat; I’m 25 years old and my name is Eren Jaeger, thanks.”

Before Levi could respond to the obvious jab at his height, he saw a small, black shape scurry up the wall behind the man (Eren, he reminded himself). Apparently Eren had some weird cockroach radar, because he turned just in time to see the cockroach crawl up the wall to his eye level.

He let out a noise that was half between a roar and a scream and flew off the couch at Levi.

Levi didn’t even have time to react before the larger male had wrapped his arms around his torso, practically in tears. Eren twisted to put Levi between himself and the cockroach, yelling, “Shoot it! _Shoot it! FUCKING SHOOT IT!_ ”

“You’re kidding, right?” Hanji asked. They looked like they were caught between wanting to roll their eyes or laugh.

“No! It won’t die! It’s like a fucking terminator! SO. SHOOT. IT!” Eren buried his face in the back of Levi’s neck, arms still encircled tightly around his chest. He was visibly shaking and he clutched at the shorter man, trying to hide his entire (larger) frame behind Levi.

“You know you could just step on it,” Hanji suggested.

Eren’s head whipped up from Levi’s neck, nearly nailing him on the ear. “ _Step_ on it?” His tone of voice made it seem like Hanji had suggested putting his own mother up for adoption. “That would mean I would have to _touch_ it! And what if it’s a female and there are eggs? Oh my god, the _horror_.” He shuddered.

“Oi, can you let go of me?” Levi turned to face the brat.

Large emerald eyes flickered down toward him and widened again. Eren immediately released him and backed away. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. The roach was just so fucking close to me that I reacted instinctively.”

He seemed to suddenly remember that he was almost fully naked and glanced down at his bare torso and legs. “Oh and uh sorry about…let me go get dressed.” He started toward the hallway that clearly led to a bedroom, but stopped short when he realized he would have to walk past the cockroach.

“On second thought, you guys have already seen me like this; what do I have to hide now? I can survive like this until the roach dies, right?”

“Oh for Christ sake.” Levi snatched the flip flop from Eren’s hand and marched over to the roach that seemed to be sitting on the wall watching everything unfold before it. He took aim, and slammed the shoe onto the wall.

Eren let out yet another scream-yell as the insect scurried out from under the flip flop and toward him. “Fuck! Fuck, FUCK, _FUCK_!” He jumped back, hit a stool, and tumbled down onto a metal pantry rack, which toppled over with a loud ‘ _CRASH!_ ’

Apparently he was too panicked to feel any pain because he just kept yelling, “Kill it! Oh my god, you’ve angered it, now KILL IT!”

Levi chased the cockroach as it continued to scuttle across the wall, almost as if it were making a beeline for the brunette who was sitting on the floor, screaming. Every time he hit the damn bug, it seemed to just brush the impact off and continue on its merry way.

Eren was frantically scooting away from the advancing bug, but had hit a small barrier called a wall. “Oh my god, this is how I’m going to die! There are things I want to do, places I want to see! Oh my god, _don’t hurt me_!”

Finally, with a sickening ‘ _CRUNCH’_ , Levi managed to hit the insect at just the right angle with the right amount of force and felt its exoskeleton give out under the flip flop. He lifted the shoe up to see the flattened corpse of the cockroach sitting in a puddle of its innards on the wall.

The brunette made a gagging sound. “Is it dead…?”

“Sure looks like it.” Levi wrinkled his nose at the dirty wall. “You should wash that soon though, or—”

He was again caught completely off guard as Eren tackled him into a huge bear hug. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Between every thank you, he planted a large, enthusiastic kiss on Levi’s cheeks.

For the first time in his life, Levi was frozen in shock. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him so freely. Now some stranger –granted, a drop dead gorgeous stranger with the most entrancing eyes he’d ever seen, but a stranger nonetheless –was hugging him and kissing his cheeks. He didn’t know where those lips had been (although he knew where he _wanted_ those lips to be)!

Hanji was practically in tears they were laughing so hard.

Finally, Eren released him and held him at arms length, hands gripping his shoulders, eyes swimming with emotion. “Oh my god, thank you so much!” He flashed Levi a grateful smile that was so blinding Levi felt like he needed sunglasses. “Ugh, how can I _ever_ repay you?”

“By going out with me.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could think otherwise.

Hanji abruptly stopped laughing and went from hysterics to gaping like an anglerfish in less than a second.

Even Levi was taken aback by what he’d just said. What was this kid doing to him?

Apparently Eren wasn’t the least bit phased. His smile went from grateful to flirty, one side of his mouth curling up into a cute smirk. Levi felt his heart rate increase.

“Oh? I suppose it’s the only way I can repay my knight in shining…” Eren paused and looked Levi from head to toe. “Shining police uniform.”

“Tch. Let go of me.” Levi shrugged off the brunette’s hands and took a step back.

Eren eyed the smudge on the wall and walked over to the kitchen. “Well, I guess I need to clean that up…and maybe scrub my entire apartment from ceiling to floor now, since I don’t know _where_ the damn thing had crawled from.” He opened the cupboard under the sink to display what looked like an entire store’s worth of cleaning supplies.

“Marry me,” Levi blurted as Eren bent down to grab the Clorox.

Eren whipped up. “Um…What?”

“I said, I’ll pick you up at 6.” Levi didn’t think his face could be any redder. Hanji was snickering behind him-they clearly knew that cleaning supplies were his weakness.

Eren just blinked, looking confused, and bent again to grab more supplies, giving Levi a beautiful, perfect view of his perky ass.

“W–well, we should head back to –to the police station and file this report,” Levi stuttered, eyes never leaving those firm, round globes that were practically begging to be grabbed. He had to consciously clench his fists to keep them by his sides. Bad hands! Bad!

“That bitch next door called me in, didn’t she?” Eren asked, straightening up and tying a white handkerchief around his head. “Well I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here just to deal with a cockroach.” He turned to see Levi’s eyes still glued to his backside. “Then again, maybe I should thank her this time.”

Levi flushed and turned to walk out, grabbing Hanji, who was still snickering indiscreetly behind their hand.

“I’ll see you at 6!” Eren called.

Right before they exited the room (the door was hanging precariously on its hinges), Levi glanced back just in time to see Eren get on his hands and knees, his back muscles rippling as it curved in a perfect arch when he reached up to spray the spot on the wall.

Seriously. God bless his poor, homosexual heart.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [THIS](http://s33.postimg.org/bi26nr1j3/IMG_1668.jpg), but based on a true story...when I encountered a house centipede and just started sobbing as I chased it down with a vacuum cleaner. My neighbors had to come in an calm me down.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> THIS IS A ONE-SHOT GUYS! If I'm hot by inspiration maybe I'll make it into a series of one-shots (so subscribe if you want updates on new works), but as of right now there is no solid plan.


End file.
